Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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