Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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