i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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