I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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