I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize