That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize