Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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