Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize