Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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