Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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