Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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