I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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