escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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do herpes really smell.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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