Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize