Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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