Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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