the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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