I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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