i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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