I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
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so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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