Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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