So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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