girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize