pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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