I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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