my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize