Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
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All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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