it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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