When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My vagina is very pro this idea
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