you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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