When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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