Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Woah.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

that's not how you spell hell yes.

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(918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

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(978): so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole! http://tfl.nu/ivhw

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(469): View more from Texas

Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.

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(469): Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think. http://tfl.nu/hmzv

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.

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(608): Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again. http://tfl.nu/9jrz

Replies (18) Good night (7228) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
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(719): View more from Colorado

Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8

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(719): Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8 http://tfl.nu/2x9k

Replies (13) Good night (3391) Bad night (2543) Order T-Shirt
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(716): View more from New York

He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.

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(716): He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves. http://tfl.nu/0275

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.

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(832): Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint. http://tfl.nu/g066

Replies (1) Good night (769) Bad night (1732) Order T-Shirt
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(860): View more from Connecticut

the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.

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(860): the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real. http://tfl.nu/2bbh

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(240): View more from Maryland

Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.

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(240): Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me. http://tfl.nu/zpby

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.

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(717): Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts. http://tfl.nu/zklc

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw

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(334): I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw http://tfl.nu/eazo

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(770): View more from Georgia

Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?

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(770): Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again? http://tfl.nu/c4dt

Replies (4) Good night (1204) Bad night (264)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.

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(312): Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows. http://tfl.nu/kvi1

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car

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(202): Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car http://tfl.nu/2cza

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(416): View more from Toronto

Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world

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(416): Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world http://tfl.nu/enih

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