I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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