She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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