i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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