I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize