didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize