just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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