he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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