So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize