yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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