if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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