I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize