Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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