Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize