Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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