Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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