I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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