Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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