I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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